Monday, March 30, 2009

The Prez

Dear Journal,

I met the Prez today. President Cookiecutter.

He seems like a cool enough guy, very mellow and thoughtful.

We had so great viddles, his wife is an awesome cook. But I guess this is the first real meal that I have had since the MTC so just about anything would be great.

I get to stay here at his house for tonight and then tomorrow I meet my comp. they haven't told us anything about where were are heading or who will be training us but I'm sure that it'll all be good.

Till tomorrow!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Highest Point in Florida

Dear Journal,

Well I arrived safe and sound, although that Fat guy I was sitting next to kept ripping stinkies all the way here. I think that everyone around us thought it was me. I kept getting dirty looks from people.

You know in my 19 years on this big bouncing ball I have seen some really cheesy stuff but the AP's (Assistants to the President) that picked us up from the Airport had cheese running out of every orifice.

I know that they were just trying to help us get used to the idea that we were now missionaries here but man they were really laying it on.

At one point when we were going over an overpass one of them said "We are now at the highest point in Florida" I wonder how many times he's said that before?

Oh well, I'm here and I guess were off to see the Prez now.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

Dear Journal,

Well I'm Leaving on a jet plane but unlike the song I know when I'll be back again!

2 years from now!!!

They put us in different seats not next to each other, I'm sure that was on purpose so that we could talk to people on the way down. I sure hope I get better at this.

I sat next to a big fat man that didn't want to give me the time of day. He even put his head phones on and pretty much ignored me the whole flight.

My first rejection, Sweet!

More when I get there.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Is it a sign??!!

Dear Journal,

So we woke up this morning pumped to be heading out to the old mish.

I had my bags packed, I showered almost alone (Only 3 other guys there, who the heck else showers at 3am?), and I was looking extra spiffy in my pin stripped suit.

Anyway we go out to where the bus is going to take us to the airport and you seriously can't see 5 feet in front of your face, the fog is that thick!

I was thinking to myself is this a sign? Am I not ready? I know we did the pizza thing but I said that I was sorry.

Anyway the bus picked us up and we were off to the Airport. I don't know how he did it but the driver must have had some major help finding his way through that stuff.

When we got to the Airport it was AWESOME, my whole Fam-damly was their! Even my Grand parents. And because of the fog I got an extra couple of hours with them that I wouldn't have otherwise.

Thank goodness for blessings in disguise, I really needed that time!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Outta Here!!

Dear Journal,

Well I'm blowing this Popsicle stand Tomorrow!

I can't wait to get to Fort Lauderdale, I hear that the weather is great, the beaches are beautiful, and the women are scratch that last part I can't be thinking about that....although spring break is supposed to be crazy, I guess we'll see.

Look out Sunny Florida here I come!!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

To Fast or Not To Fast

Dear Journal,

Well I just found out that Dialtone is a diabetic and its fairly serious, to the point that he is not allowed to go without food for more then a couple of hours. Which means NO fasting.

Now this is the dilemma that I am faced with do I make him feel even worse sitting there eating in front of me when he is dying inside to do his duty and fast like everyone else or do I not fast myself and make him feel a little bit better about having to eat when no one else is?

Oh Yeah, Capn' Crunch hear I come!!!

All kidding aside I really do think than Dialtone feels a little better about this when I join him in a bowl of the good stuff.

Friday, March 13, 2009

30 Naked Guys

Dear Journal,

OK I just want to say that there is something really wrong in forcing thirty 19 year olds to shower together. I thought that I got all of my public showering out of the way in High School, this Sucks!

There is just nothing like rubbing cheeks with some dude you've never met before that just happens to be on your floor and showering at the same time. I noticed that there were a few guys with their soaps hanging from their necks, Come on this isn't prison and that is just a little too paranoid, even for me.

I did find out that if you were quick enough to get the Handi shower stall you had a little bit of privacy but unfortunately so did everyone else. And don't even think about showering alone at some odd time of the day because there are roving elders with a trash can full of ice cold water that will sneak up on you and dump it all over you, not cool, well actually really cool if you think of it that way.

All I can say is I can't wait to get to Florida.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Suck and Blow

Dear Journal,

Is it BAD?

That is the question I am asking myself today. Is what bad? is probably what you are asking me.

Well after the whole Pizza incident (Which by the way was sooooo goooood!) I, along with my other co-conspirators found ourselves in pretty hot water as far as breaking MTC rules goes.

I was sitting there getting balled out by a red faced, overweight, 70 something year old man. And, although I knew that I totally deserved it, I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to a few months before coming on the old mish.

I think to protect myself my mind detaches from the moment rather then deal with the harsh reality that I'm being faced with. So I thought back to a night that I spent playing kissing games with a bunch of girls. We played "Suck and Blow" where you sit in a circle, (Guy, Girl, Guy, Girl) take a playing card and you put it to your lips. The first person sucks it in and passes it to the next persons lips and they suck it as you blow it. The great parts of this game are the little mishaps that occur at just the right times to steal a cheap kiss from the girl you are passing to. I think I became a master of the just in time drop.

That same night I remember this girl named Lanita (who was extreamly HOT came over to the couch where I was sitting, sat on my lap, Kissed me, then licked my face. It was very strange but exciting all at the same time.

Anyway, back to my original question should I feel bad for not fully paying attention while getting cussed out and thinking about HOT women licking my face.......Man I AM in sooo much trouble!

I bet they can't wait to get rid of me and my buddies!

Sunday, March 8, 2009


Dear Journal,

So me and a bunch of the other elders were feeling a little naughty today, you would have thought that we stole the Angel Moroni off the Salt Lake Temple or something for how guilty we feel right now but it sure tasted good at the time.... Let me explain..

We started talking a couple of days ago about how a nice large pizza from Domino's or Pizza Hut would taste after eating all this crazy food from the MTC for the last few weeks, well one comment lead to an idea, which lead to a letter being written to one of our buddies on the the outside to set up a little pizza excursion, and well, let's just say our bellies are full but the guilt is worse then the heartburn at this point.

It was a pretty brilliant plan where we had look outs and the pizza guy tossed the boxes over the wall to us (Our buddy had treated us, tip and all) then we snuck them back up to our room and enjoyed the heck out of them.

I think we are going to have to go come clean about this one.

Friday, March 6, 2009

The Chow

Dear Journal,

I was always told that the food here was good (and it is) but nobody ever told me that it would sit in your gut like a rock for about 6 hours. Then just about the time you start feeling better you go eat more..

I'm pretty sure that I have gained about 5 lbs and I've only been here a little while. I'll probably be about 20lbs heavier when I leave this place.

Not like anyone here can help but gain wait all we do is Eat, Sit, Eat, Sit, Eat again, then go to bed. We do get a little basketball in every once in a while.

I think that I may have an eating disorder....I have become addicted to Crunch Berries, man I love that stuff! I could eat it all day long. I better keep it under control Elder Dialtone told me if I eat too much of it I will start peeing pink and green streams. It sounds bad but that might be kind of cool to see.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009


Dear Journal,

So they told us the other day that we would be doing service 3 times a week and that our assignment was building 3 bathrooms.

I always remember doing service in our ward and how good it felt, but getting up at 4:30AM to scrub nasty toilets that other elders who can't aim and pee all over isn't my idea of feeling good.

Oh well I lucked out the rest of the week and get sinks and showers so that shouldn't be too bad.

Man I could sure go for some Pizza right about now.

Monday, March 2, 2009

A New Revelation

Dear Journal,

So apparently I just found out from someone in my district (my comments, See first post) that I am not supposed to have a BLOG....Good thing this is only THE MOSTLY TRUE adventures of Elder Greenie and not the Completely, without a Shadow of a doubt, honest to goodness true adventures of Elder Greenie!

Because that would be way too long to put in my Title!!!

Mystery Vitamins

Dear Journal,

I'm a little embarrassed to write about this but here goes. So they gave us these vitamins that we are supposed to take religiously...excuse the pun, the only problem is all the rumors I've heard about them.

From what all the other Elders are saying they not only give you your daily allowances of the needed vitamins but they are also designed to lower your desires toward the opposite sex!! That is all fine and dandy since we can't really look at them in that way anyway and if that were the only rumor I would be popping a couple a day just to make it easier not to flirt with the sisters.

The problem is what it is supposed to do to you with prolonged use..... They Make you Freaking Sterile!! I don't know about these other elders but I want to have some kids someday!

I tossed mine in my bag and I don't think I will be taking anymore of those in the future!